My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was
flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'


And then the fight started...

******************************************


My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you
want to have ?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply
saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."

And then the fight started....

******************************************


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made
my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad
all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and
slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with
a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out
there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you
believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little
things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was
a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
"I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then
which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

*****************************************


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny
that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

******************************************


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I
take her some place expensive... So, I took her to a petrol
station.

And then the fight started...

******************************************


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my
pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the
woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back
later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my
Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...
******************************************


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she
took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

******************************************


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium
rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad
cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

******************************************


A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom
mirror. She was
not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn
near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

hahahah,nice jokes..

“When a man holds a woman hands?”

When a man holds a woman’s hand
before marriage, it is love;

after marriage it is self-defense